AUGUSTA, GA. – I hurt my ankle months ago and it hasn’t healed so I went to my doctor. She told me to get a cam boot and sent me for an x-ray.
Side story: A cam boot was $80 at a medical supply company and would have taken a week to get. I ordered the same boot off Amazon for $40 and it was here in less than 48 hours.
Two days later, the doctor’s office called. The nurse who called could not have been less interested in our conversation.
Nurse: “She read the x-ray and you have some (gibberish begins) mediodiscular flarbification along with some mild tubular granuclidation (end gibberish), but overall she wasn’t concerned.”
Me: “Uh… what?”
She started to repeat herself.
Me: “No, sorry, I didn’t understand any of that. Can you put it in plain English?”
Nurse: “Nothing is fractured. You have some mild swelling and a small growth on your heel, but nothing to worry about.”
Me: “Then why does it hurt so much? What about the tendon? …Wait, I have a growth on my heel?”
Nurse: “Yes.”
…
Me: “So… what is it?”
Nurse: “I don’t know, that’s just what the doctor told me. I mean, it could have been there since you were born.”
Me: “Uh… but…””
Nurse: “If it doesn’t get better, we can refer you to orthopedics.”
Me: “Thanks, she already did that. So, basically, she didn’t see anything, and you don’t have any answers. I should stop asking questions and wait for the orthopedist to call.”
Nurse: “Right.”
Me: “Okay, have a nice day.”
(Doctor Google tells me that I could have Achilles tendonitis made worse by Haglund’s Deformity. Play along with me and let’s see what the final diagnosis is!)
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